Now, that's the best tastin' ornament I've ever hoid.

This year's new ornament: a Christmas pickle. Because why not? I'd first heard the story of the tradition on this episode of the Christmas Stocking Podcast​. Basically, the first child that finds the pickle on the tree gets an extra present. However, at present I don't have any kids to find my pickle. Um, maybe I should rephrase that...

F*** Violet Bick, marry Mary Hatch, kill Mr. Potter

I streamed midnight mass, imbibed my eggnog coffee, watered the tree, read the Christmas story, watched MST3K's Santa Claus and the Stephen Colbert special, wrapped presents, opened presents, explored the glorious depths of gluttony with the family, and emptied a bottle of Jacapple. Just one more thing to do before I put a bow on this whole Christmas thing. (Con: Too tired to go to the Byrd. Pro: My couch is more conducive to a long winter's nap than those seats.)

MILF on the Shelf: Day 6

Retreating into a bottle of Jacapple, MILF? See you next year! Maybe!

Give me all the scotch and Yule logs you have.

Nick Offerman drinking scotch for 45 minutes. Drop the Yule log.

MILF on the Shelf: Day 5

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

MILF on the Shelf: Day 4

Peppermint milkshake, MILF? It's a Festivus miracle!

MILF on the Shelf: Day 3

MILF on the Shelf: Day 3. Aw, you're making me a traditional Christmas dinner. Thanks, MILF!

Little full, lotta sap

The tree is finally fully decorated. It kind of overwhelms the room and there's no room for a star/angel, but I'm digging it. Go to any online resource and the basic rule of thumb is 100 lights per every foot of tree. Hogwash! I put 300 or 350 on this 8 footer and think it looks fine. Big Holiday Illumination must be behind those "helpful" guidelines.

And sure, it may be a little wild and unruly, but as with my afro I like to keep things natural.

A Very Micah Christmas 2015

It's been a different, much busier Christmas season for me this year. As such, I didn't have much time to devote to A Very Micah Christmas (or this blog, for that matter), but it's done! While I didn't put the usual blood, sweat, and eggnog into it that I normally do, I didn't half ass it either. I'll have you know I used *at least* three quarters of my ass.

So what's on tap for this year's edition? I'm glad you asked:

1. "This Year" - Tony Thaxton
2. "All I Want For Christmas Is You" - Samson Trinh & The Upper East Side Big Band with Laura Ann Singh
3. "Holiday P.D.A. (Underneath the Mistletoe)" - Matty Ride
4. "O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree" - Brooke Waggoner
5. "I Pray on Christmas" - Harry Connick, Jr.
6. "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" - The Brian Setzer Orchestra
7. "Holiday in L.A." - Band of Merrymakers
8. "Christmas Is Coming" - The Muppets
9. "Christmas Pics" - Barenaked Ladies
10. "Like a Gift From God or Whatever" - Chris Farren with Jenny Owen Youngs
11. "Mistletoe" - American Youth
12. "Hanukkah Dance" - Woody Guthrie
13. "Christmas TV" - Slow Club
14. "Last Month of the Year" - The Blind Boys of Alabama
15. "My Favorite Things" - Shawn Lee's Ping Pong Orchestra
16. "New Year's Resolution" - Otis Redding & Carla Thomas
17. "Baby, It's Cold Outside" - Bill Murray & Jenny Lewis
18. "Winter Weather" - Joe Williams & Harry "Sweets" Edison
19. "Ding Dong! Merrily on High" - The George Shearing Quintet
20. "Boots" - The Killers
21. "The Song the Season Brings" - Beta Radio
22. "Mvmt IV, 'Every Bell on Earth Will Ring'" - The Oh Hellos
23. "Silent Night" - Odessa

You can snag it here.

But that's not all! If you act now you can stream (most of) it on Spotify:

Per usual, you're not getting the full experience there, what with it leaving out seven songs. But sometimes convenience trumps completeness.

And that's that about that. I hope you enjoy this year's mix. Merry Christmas! I'm going to take a nap now.

MILF on the Shelf: Day 2

MILF on the Shelf: Day 2. Silly, MILF. Get out of my locker. We don't have to work today!

Ear warmers for me and my booze!

Maker's Mark still has the best Christmas swag in the business.

MILF on the Shelf: Day 1

MILF on the Shelf: Day 1. Well, look at that! MILF is my co-worker. (We carpool.) She, too, has barely enough time to sleep and eat, much less sprinkle MILF dust over slumbering teenage boys, so she may only make one or two other appearances this season.